I am not (OLD) Kelley; “Purpose over Preference”

A few days ago, I happen to witness thru’ social media a Christian couple’s ‘testimony’ causing Wildfires on the platforms. Through sheer mockery, ridicule, insults and every satirical statement that could be made… I watched as many as can make monetized content, adjudicate their experience as foolery; the husband the ‘devil incarnate’ while the wife for lack of a better term ‘mentally absurd’. In the end, God was held in contempt and aspersions cast on this ‘religion thing’.

For they became the epicenter of “why I don’t go to church”. The short clips of ‘pastor’s wife ironing his clothes so that he can go see his mistress was not helping. Consequently, I made the decisions to go watch the whole interview. And oh my! They had a lot of gems and wise teachings to discern from their ‘love story’ on their road to redemption.

Reggie and Kelley Steele’s testimony was way before either of them had any encounter with God (a personal experience with God), then a walk with God (a disciple of Christ). The union they entered in at age 21 and 19 respectively, was founded on a fractured foundation. Instituted on the shifting sand of man’s ideals, thoughts and wisdom [Matthew 7:24-27, Proverbs 19:3]. Both from dysfunctional families: Kelley had resentment and unforgiveness towards her mother…Her father was unfaithful to her mother as a result their family was broken. She believed it was her mother’s fault for not forgiving her father’s infidelity… for a teenager girl going on to be an adult that’s ‘a very distorted perspective’.  

Still as a teenager with this biased mindset, she meets Reggie the epitome of Highschool love/first love with status symbol; son of a pastor, an athlete, and the physique to crown his name. However, Reggie is a man with reprobate mind [Romans 1:28-32] dealing with generational iniquity, the altar of lust and perversion.

Now, despite KNOWING [understanding fully] with total awareness thru Reggie verbally expressing and showing her explicitly that she was NOT what he desired ‘preference’ (spec/type) [Luke 6:43-46]. She entered the union, and in her own words ‘I walked down the aisle knowing I was marrying his worst.’ Nonetheless, she was “HOPEFUL” that the TITLE - HUSBAND would change him…. In other words, he would AUTOMATICALLY transform his OLD CHARACTER and act accordingly conforming into a NEW CHARACHTER as a married man.

Bear in mind that “a prophecy has been passed” * - First time Reggie’s mum meets Kelley, she gives her…his son’s number, on the account that she would make (appointed) a suitable wife to her son. Later an encounter with Reggie, he confirms (a moment of enlightenment) by words from his mouth that ‘you are my wife’ [Genesis 2:22-23]. But then his actions prove contrary; He is not walking the talk.

What can we learn with discernment and not with prejudice  from this testimony:

*Discernment involves recognizing the limitations of our own knowledge and being open to learning from others, at any given moment. This requires the ability to listen actively, empathize with different viewpoints, and embrace the uncomfortable feeling of being wrong or ignorant.

• A Foundation of Dysfunction – when we lack self-awareness with ability to internalize with acceptance and willingness to confront the uncomfortable truth [Luke 6:44-49]. Then make a radical change even if it means losing what you love the most. …These will often breed chaos and confusion. And we known that for God [who is the source of their prophesying] is not a God of confusion and disorder but of peace and order. [1 Corinthians 14:33]

Kelley in the words of her husband lacked self-esteem and worth, she lacked comprehension of her essence and self. She was a child (she wedded her husband at age 19, pregnant with their second child (girl) but had already a 11months old son with him. From the start of their relationship when she was seemingly age 17, he was probably age 18-19 they were already fornicating). She had no identity thus being attached to Reggie and even gunnering for the TITLE-WIFE as her only ‘lifeline’ (Remember she was also thrown out of her home because of Teenage Pregnancy and so she went to live with Reggie and his parents). BOTH parents failed them… based on their own understanding, this would have been dealt with in a different approach and with Wisdom. However, where there is hurt, pain, unforgiveness and rebellion, our judgments is often clouded by these negative emotions.

• The deep-rooted need for Validation and Acceptance. Kelley had a point to prove to her mother. You were wrong and I am right. In seeking validation for our perspective, we crave others confirming our choices… a need to be seen, acknowledged and accepted. Based on my personal experience, the Holy Spirit has taught me that if I must prove a point = to be validated by men above God then I should let whatever I am trying to ‘validate me, please’ It is a yoke unto our necks that only breeds rivalry and bitterness which is not of God. Without realizing at that young age, she was ENSLAVED to the older women who were to be her role models, man she loved and victim of Self.

To her mother (she did not forgive her father’s infidelity, threw her teenage daughter out of the house for getting pregnant). She had to stay with this man subconsciously; to make it work at all-cost including her mental wellbeing and losing every shred of dignity left in her.

To her mother-in-law, her “prophetic words” and actions (calling her if Reggie had other girls around- planting a seed of ‘you have to do something’ masked in reassurance ‘you are the recognized girl/wife here’ = a manipulation technique*. She had to demonstrate that she was the right choice; “conforming” to the prophetic word subconsciously pleasing her mother-in-law.

To (old) Reggie who told her transparently and showed her distinctly that she was not his preference [Matthew 12:34], yet still seek’d her for wife duties, for comfort, to listen to him and show support by giving him money, cook for him and provide intimacy. She even lost weight for his approval, to look like his ‘preference’.

To (old) self- herself, Reggie was her preference, her idol of a man and sense of pride (I wouldn’t be surprised if he had similar characteristics to her father). She wanted him at all-cost. Despite the Humiliation rituals -: confronting and fighting other women, becoming ‘Tasha the detective-why did I get married’ by looking at his mileage, hiding his car keys bleaching his clothes. These were TOXIC actions that made her loose her integrity and dignity [Titus 2:7]. Anything we love more than God will destroy us. the OLD Reggie captured her affections above God, yet he put her through the wringer.

• The Need to be in Control - Being his wife would give her some sense of control…the marriage route was her only way to have “legal right” of ownership of Reggie.

Subconsciously, it was away to show that she had the power over Reggie and was to be elevated above ‘them’, the other women he liked.

• The Birth of Premature Prophecy* Many people/Christians out of revelation by or gifting of the Holy Spirit have received Word of Prophecy (what is to come/happen-future occurrence) [1 Corinthians 13:9].

But because they were babes in Christ- released by an amateur (not mature in the Spirit) [Hebrews 5:12-14, Ephesians 4:14], they lacked WISDOM and COUNSEL from GOD on how to walk (process) towards the Prophecy [Romans 8:14, Isaiah 30:21], when to apply (preparation and positioning) the prophecy [Luke 12:12, John 14:15-27]. Therefore, it becomes a stumbling block that reigns havoc to our destiny when we take matters into our own hands to fulfil God’s Word.

Which brings us to THE WAIT; every Word of prophecy has the APPOINTED TIME for its execution. God can speak and it will take 15 years for it to come to pass. Another thing, any Word of prophecy must be tested and tried [Romans 12:2] …if it does not match with what is being spoken. It is wise to hold up and wait, to be stored for the Set Time. Wait for God to guide you on the divine strategy of it, step by step. God will keep and perform His Word concerning His purpose [Isaiah 55:11].

• The greatest form of surrender to God is to release it to God, give up your ways (what it ought to be and how it should be) then place your ‘Isaac on the Altar’ [Genesis 22:1-19].

…the dream of him a preacher on the day she wanted to exit, and ‘something’ held her back. It was a symbol of hope for the future, who he would eventually become despite the uncertainty. But the choice to stay or leave was based on her discernment and wisdom in Christ through Holy Spirit. In other words, “I have revealed to you who he will become without set date/time, you can therefore WAIT for process outside (temporary separation of marriage) Which I believe you can heal and pray for redemption and reconciliation outside the dysfunction. Or Stay -inside (continue with the marriage) but ask the Holy Spirit for Grace (unmerited Favor) with Power and supplication “the willingness to pay the price” to forge on till he becomes what God ordained him to be [Isaiah 11:2, Zechariah 12:10].

Trade your IDOLS for God [Ezekiel 14:1-8]. These things that you are highly devoted to, ‘objects’ that dominate your thoughts and captures your affections above God [Jeremiah 17:9, Proverbs 4:23]. Guard your Mind and Heart by Returning to your First Love (our Heavenly Father through Christ) [Matthew 22:36-38], delight IN Him. And He will give you the desires and petitions of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; [Psalm 37: 4-5]

Trust in Him, He will do it. He will give you back and even so much more and better. The Lord Will Provide [Genesis 22:9-14].

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Unfortunately, we are presently living in a time that many in our generation are easily offended. In fact, the Spirit of Offence has always been the enemy’s greatest and effective tool to lure humanity distracting them from the bigger picture=Jesus Christ. We witness this even in New Testament, the expectation of Christ the Messiah never matched many. Including John the Baptist the one who witnessed Him to be the Lamb that takes away the sins of the world [John 1:29-34]. Not mentioning the Jewish leaders who could not perceive the divinity and authority of Christ. Because they were extremely offended by His inclusion and tolerance for sinners, outcasts and tax collectors; mercy and Grace extended beyond the constricted boundaries of their religious law. Their sentiments (thoughts and feelings) were laced with their truth; a type of ‘truth’ derived from their OWN understanding of the law (thus accused Him of Blasphemy and called Him Beelzebub) [Matthew 5:17-20]. But Christ says in Matthew 11:5-6, Blessed is the one who is not offended by me. In simple terms He is not per our understanding but are you willing to accept Him and learn from Him [Isaiah 53, Matthew 11:28-30].

In this case, the testimony of Reggie and Kelley Steele’s became a distraction through social media platforms eroding the main message… Our attention is/was diverted to regurgitation of emotional reactions of (flesh-How we feel and how I see it) “it can never be, ‘we’ verses ‘them’, we are the victims, what kind of God would allow this?, this why I don’t go to church e.t.c. Satan knows that in our distraction he is reign enforcing our hardened hearts with anxiety, fear and lack of trust in God. For distracted people CANNOT bring any transformation, since there is absence of focus and clarity. As Kingdom Ambassadors, we are called to look away from all that will distract us and focus our eyes on Jesus Christ [Hebrews 12:2], seeking clarity on the Word of God through the Holy Spirit which is the Sword of the Soul and Spirit [Hebrews 4:12]. Consequently, let us not allow ourselves to be deceived, distracted from learning ...being teachable and willing to be taught. These testimonies are for us to learn [Revelation 12:11]. To be trained IN the Lord [Titus 2:3-5], so that we can identify our struggles... in comparable to others. To reveal to us our own idols and to deliver us from our mindsets that continuously keep us in perpetual bondage. Noticeably, it is not a moment to be prideful; haughty and egocentric of why it can never be you [Romans 15: 4, 2 Timothy 3:16-17]. However, it is a session to pause and reflect thanking God that we have been spared, not out of our own intelligence ‘we knew better’. Other than His Grace (undeserving Favor) and Wisdom, the Spirit of God guiding us to choose better despite our little knowledge and understanding.

For this He states by His Word [1 Corinthians 1:26-31]:

Just look at your own calling, believers; not many [of you were considered] wise according to human standards, not many powerful or influential, not many of high and noble birth. But God has selected [for His purpose] the foolish things of the world to shame the wise [revealing their ignorance], and God has selected [for His purpose] the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong [revealing their frailty]. God has selected [for His purpose] the insignificant (base) things of the world, and the things that are despised and treated with contempt, [even] the things that are nothing, so that He might reduce to nothing the things that are, so that no one may [be able to] boast in the presence of God. But it is from Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God [revealing His plan of salvation], and righteousness [making us acceptable to God], and sanctification [making us holy and setting us apart for God], and redemption [providing our ransom from the penalty for sin], so then, as it is written [in Scripture], “He who boasts and glories, let him boast and glory in the Lord.”

Choose Jesus Christ and you will choose the pathway of Truth and Wisdom [John 8:32; 1 Corinthians 1:24]. Amen!

Photo credit @Liberty Family Church